December 31, 2011

The End, the end, the end....

   My Last Thoughts On Virginia Woolf

  I sit by my window, and my hand trembles as I attempt to write in my journal; my last journal page, but I cannot help but look out of this window and see the colors of the evening sky, the orange and gold mixed with blue, soon to be covered with a gauze of blackened hue. 

     Shades will be drawn across this scene, and bombs will be dropped, and burst, filtering a dim light through this darkness, but for now my beautiful fields are there before me.  The grass blades wave to and fro; moods are contemplative, complicated and complete, a moment in time within, and without, searching the sun, the moon, the sky, and the seas, all faces of humankind; found, lost, searching for love, though I have ridiculed, articulating my rule.

     My demise, I see in my own eyes.  I see reflections on this old shiny surface.  I see into the whys and the wherefores.  I see into the words of friends and foes alike; the works of a million years, to be criticized, and delved, and probed, and shelved.  My own worst enemy I see now.
     I think about my life, as it was then, as it is now; I feel the ages of time through these tremors of mine, through these headaches and pains, and my age is a haunting reminder, all inclusive years both wanted, wanting, and unwanted, bombing me with nerves that halt and spin my mind; time spent with voices that reached out to me, yet holding me down in recline, in darkness, in moods and depths not even the written word can describe.  What does it mean, to be ill?  Can anyone explain these feelings? The shades are drawn; darkness falls, as night must, it is happening.....Dawn ascends...

     Damn you!  Leave me, oh life, oh leave me!  You are cumbersome, you are inhibiting, you are prohibiting forward motion, damn you!  I have loved you, I have hated you.  Night and Day, my worst critic, leave me!

December 22, 2011

I Believed

Do you see the flag quiver in the breeze, next to the pole; do you see the frayed threads gently brushing along its side? 

I wait
I watch
I anticipate

I peek between the curtains of my window. I see nothing that would alarm me, no branches bending, no fronds careening across the street, no tumbleweeds caught beneath the undercarriage of a car.  I stand and watch the flag move up and down, back and forth, assuming my world was secure, nothing to worry me. I was out of harm's way.

Yes, I wanted to believe, but then
I was taken by surprise, again 

A leaf flutters to the ground, and then rises up, higher and higher, it is a sense of what may come; it’s taken away, this leaf, and calm changes to chaos; the earth begins to vibrate, and a long, slow rumbling descends from the sky. 

I’m vigilant, but more than surprised
How fast you intensified

The air and rain batter my window pane with unseen force, attempting to drive my world apart and did I not tell you, never come back, you hold my pose, you mock me with the wave of a flag.


I cannot stand here and watch, but I cannot walk or run away for fear of being hurled, taking me again and again, away from my world.

You deceived me
I believed in you
Am I never to be free

December 11, 2011


A luxurious overture, a song, a tune, you enthrall me with heat
A breeze
 An undertone
 Covered by music’s beat

You take my breath, you horde, in my nakedness you steal
Never once real

I leaned into you, strong, pounding pulses you hurled my way
Exasperated horned voices, I heard in dismay
You unpredictable wind of the night insane
Exit my life the way you came!

I plummet
I fall
I fell
 I flew

Calling your name

It’s all just a game

December 8, 2011

Winds of Rage

It’s a cold wind blowing today
Plunge soaring wings into gravity’s eye

You remind me of the wind
Gales propel a howling voice

Everything groans
Droning gusts of force let fly

I need silence
Lashing, turning, twisting

The wind is howling brute force
Humble resistance failing

I hate the unpredictable wind
Felling the strong

I wish it would stop
A tremulous hush settles, look around

I need solitude
Trees, lines and limbs at a standstill 

Nature, the evocative you
Silence falls to the ground